Using Technology Mindfully

Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person because you didn't take the time to make sure it was being sent correctly? What about when you were upset? Have you ever sent a text in the heat of the moment that you wish you had thought about before you sent? The technology you’ve grown up with is pretty amazing and undoubtedly one of the best ways to keep up to date with what’s going on and to connect with friends and family.  At the same time, there’s no built  in pause button to make sure you double check your thoughts or take space before sending whatever it is you want to send in the moment.  As great as it is, technology doesn’t do a whole lot to protect us from ourselves.  As a result, hurtful photos, cruel words and harmful ideas are sent into cyberspace without a moment’s hesitation, with the sender often regretting their actions later on.

We all have hundreds of thoughts throughout the day.  Some of these thoughts are helpful while others are clearly not.  It’s important to recognize that these thoughts are not necessarily a representation of who we are or what we truly think.  In fact, many of the thoughts we have on a daily basis are colored by our friends, our teachers, our families, society and past experiences that have left pretty deep imprints on our hearts.  If we acted on every single thought that came up, you can imagine that some pretty crazy things would start to happen so more often than not, we don’t.  Technology though makes it a lot harder for us because it gives us a way to act on these thoughts without pausing and thinking about the impact our actions might have. 

Think about when you’re angry.  We all get angry from time to time.  That’s normal.  When we’re angry, our emotions often cloud our thoughts and the emotion takes over.   In situations like this, when emotions are running high, we often say things we wish we hadn't or do things we didn't necessarily want to do.  Throw technology into the mix and suddenly, those words and actions are captured in permanence long after our emotions or thoughts have moved on.

What would it look like if you took the time to think before you typed?  How could mindful posting affect you in the long run?  These are important questions to ask and the answers may look different for different people.  By taking some time to check in with yourself before posting, texting, or commenting, you give your true self an opportunity to speak up.  You might realize that the text should actually be a face to face conversation with the person or that the photo you were going to post could actually have a lasting impact on someone’s life.  The time you take to think critically and compassionately prior to posting is actually an opportunity for you to dictate how the future unfolds and what part you actually play in someone else’s life.  Big stuff when you think about it!  So see what it’s like to take that time.  You might not get another chance.

Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele

Getting the Respect You Want

We all want respect but not all of us know how to get it.  As a result, those who are seeking respect often end up getting into heated arguments that lead to deep frustration and resentment toward the people we care the most about.  This can be exhausting for everyone involved, so it’s no wonder that the majority of teens I work with want the fighting to stop.  Arguments between you and your parents or you and faculty may be draining at the moment, but there are a lot of ways you can get the respect you want that don’t require raising your voice or stomping the ground. 

One of the most important ways to gain respect as a teen is to keep your voice steady and calm when talking about things that are emotional for you.  Too often we get wound up in our emotions and the injustice of the situation.  Our voice starts to get louder and the specific point that we wanted to make gets buried somewhere behind our aggressive tone, multiple profanities and our high pitched screams.

Recognize that the power lies within you.  Seriously.  You have the power.  

It is up to you to communicate effectively and calmly, and if you do, you’ll see that you can diffuse any argument.  

It can, of course, be really hard to express yourself when your emotions are high.  The more distraught we are, the harder it is to listen to someone else’s point of view and the more challenging it can be to communicate our thoughts.  This is why it is so important to recognize your anger before it takes hold of your voice.  I mean, let’s be honest.  You don’t want to start chewing your mom’s head off at the grocery store in front of a bunch of people, right? 

The work you do before the argument is probably the most important.  Spend some time alone with a journal or notebook and write down specific moments in time when you felt frustrated or angry with your parents or someone in authority.  What did it feel like?  Where in your body do you remember feeling it the most?  What happened just before the argument started?  What did they say during the argument that got you even more frustrated?  Taking the time to think back to that moment and recognize how you were feeling will serve you in the future.

The next time you feel an argument coming on, focus on your breath and count to ten.  Sometimes it’s even helpful to tell the person that you have to go to the bathroom so that you can walk away and collect your thoughts before it is too late. 

Once you have control of your emotions, remember to keep your voice steady, low and calm.  People are more likely to listen if you are not yelling or screaming your head off and you’ll show your mom or dad that you’re making a serious effort to communicate respectfully.  Explain your feelings and ask questions that will help clarify the situation.  The more you understand the other person’s perspective, the more they will be willing to listen to yours. 

Taking the time to recognize what sets you off and learning how to keep your voice calm will help you communicate your thoughts more clearly and respectfully.  While I can’t promise that the conversation will always end in your favor, I can assure you that you will gain a greater self-awareness and highly effective communication skills that will serve you throughout your life.

Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele

3 Steps to Make Peace with Your Inner Critic

1. Recognize it!

The first and possibly most important thing to do is to recognize the voice inside your head that does the comparing.  You know who I mean right?  That annoying voice that ends up telling you you’re ugly, stupid, pudgy, or worse.  Now you may think to yourself, “What? I don’t talk that way to myself,” but I urge you to listen.  Some of you may be shocked when you hear some of the hateful things you are telling yourself on a regular basis. 

You will likely start to notice that some of the things you tell yourself are so mean that if a friend of yours told you the same, you would probably want nothing to do with them.  Think about that!  You are allowing your own inner voice to berate and humiliate you on a daily basis, but if a friend told you the same, you would never put up with it.  Well, don’t put up with it now! 

2. Write it down!

What are your strengths?  What are you proud of?  What is your favorite color at the moment? Or do you have many?  What is something you really enjoy doing?  What are you grateful for?  What qualities do you possess that make you you?   Have fun with the questions and come up with some of your own.  By focusing on who you are and perhaps, who you would like to become, you will start to feel more comfortable in your skin and your self-esteem will increase significantly.

3. Listen up!

Make it a point to listen to your inner voice when you’re flipping through a magazine or watching a movie.  What kind of things are you telling yourself?  Are you comparing yourself to a celebrity?  If so, recognize the comment and let it go.  No need to berate yourself or judge yourself for being cruel.  Just notice the comment and let it go.  This exercise will have a huge impact on your self-esteem in the long run.   Practice it enough and you will soon be doing it without even thinking, squashing that negative chatter before it has a chance to effect you.

At the end of the day, we all have insecurities and there are moments when we feel bad about the way we look.  It’s okay to feel bad from time to time, but feeling bad on a daily basis will cause you more pain and grief in the end.  Why waste your energy feeling down when you have so many things to celebrate?  Who you are reveals so much more than a reflection in a mirror, so focus on becoming the person you want to be and less on worrying about what others see. 

Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele