Coping with Stress

As a parent, it's not always easy to tell when your teen is stressed out. Some teenagers keep their fears and anxieties well hidden and others, even when approached with compassionate curiosity, may not feel comfortable sharing their truth. 

It is becoming alarmingly clear that the social and academic pressure at school can be devastating and all too often, simply too much to bear.  While there are various things beyond our control, there are several ways we can help reduce some of the stress and anxiety a child is experiencing.

1. Normalize.

One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to normalize the stress that your teen is feeling. Every single teen that I speak to feels incredibly relieved once they realize that they are not alone in what they are experiencing.  It seems scary and lonely when you have no one to open up to about what you are feeling, but even worse when you think that everyone else is enjoying life without a care in the world. 

2. Teach.

The next most important thing you can do for your teen is to teach them how to cope with the social and academic pressure they are experiencing on a daily basis.  Stress is something that we all encounter and some situations get the best of us.  Talk about healthy coping strategies that work for you and model these skills in action.  Ask your teen what relaxes them or what they enjoy.  Urge your teen to turn to that particular activity when things feel like they’re getting out of control.  You can even hold each other accountable and have a secret code word to remind one another to use their healthy coping skill.  It doesn’t have to be serious.  In fact, the more fun, the less stress.  Simple as that. 

3. Get help.

If things seem to be unraveling at home, it is critical that you bring in a third party to intervene and support your teen.  Turn to a relative you trust, a teacher you respect, a youth pastor, a sports coach, a life coach or therapist.  Too many teens are experiencing stress and are fighting it alone.  They don't have the tools to cope with their pain effectively and are taking their lives.  We can change this and we must.

Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele

3 Steps to Make Peace with Your Inner Critic

1. Recognize it!

The first and possibly most important thing to do is to recognize the voice inside your head that does the comparing.  You know who I mean right?  That annoying voice that ends up telling you you’re ugly, stupid, pudgy, or worse.  Now you may think to yourself, “What? I don’t talk that way to myself,” but I urge you to listen.  Some of you may be shocked when you hear some of the hateful things you are telling yourself on a regular basis. 

You will likely start to notice that some of the things you tell yourself are so mean that if a friend of yours told you the same, you would probably want nothing to do with them.  Think about that!  You are allowing your own inner voice to berate and humiliate you on a daily basis, but if a friend told you the same, you would never put up with it.  Well, don’t put up with it now! 

2. Write it down!

What are your strengths?  What are you proud of?  What is your favorite color at the moment? Or do you have many?  What is something you really enjoy doing?  What are you grateful for?  What qualities do you possess that make you you?   Have fun with the questions and come up with some of your own.  By focusing on who you are and perhaps, who you would like to become, you will start to feel more comfortable in your skin and your self-esteem will increase significantly.

3. Listen up!

Make it a point to listen to your inner voice when you’re flipping through a magazine or watching a movie.  What kind of things are you telling yourself?  Are you comparing yourself to a celebrity?  If so, recognize the comment and let it go.  No need to berate yourself or judge yourself for being cruel.  Just notice the comment and let it go.  This exercise will have a huge impact on your self-esteem in the long run.   Practice it enough and you will soon be doing it without even thinking, squashing that negative chatter before it has a chance to effect you.

At the end of the day, we all have insecurities and there are moments when we feel bad about the way we look.  It’s okay to feel bad from time to time, but feeling bad on a daily basis will cause you more pain and grief in the end.  Why waste your energy feeling down when you have so many things to celebrate?  Who you are reveals so much more than a reflection in a mirror, so focus on becoming the person you want to be and less on worrying about what others see. 

Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele