Coping with Stress

As a parent, it's not always easy to tell when your teen is stressed out. Some teenagers keep their fears and anxieties well hidden and others, even when approached with compassionate curiosity, may not feel comfortable sharing their truth. 

It is becoming alarmingly clear that the social and academic pressure at school can be devastating and all too often, simply too much to bear.  While there are various things beyond our control, there are several ways we can help reduce some of the stress and anxiety a child is experiencing.

1. Normalize.

One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to normalize the stress that your teen is feeling. Every single teen that I speak to feels incredibly relieved once they realize that they are not alone in what they are experiencing.  It seems scary and lonely when you have no one to open up to about what you are feeling, but even worse when you think that everyone else is enjoying life without a care in the world. 

2. Teach.

The next most important thing you can do for your teen is to teach them how to cope with the social and academic pressure they are experiencing on a daily basis.  Stress is something that we all encounter and some situations get the best of us.  Talk about healthy coping strategies that work for you and model these skills in action.  Ask your teen what relaxes them or what they enjoy.  Urge your teen to turn to that particular activity when things feel like they’re getting out of control.  You can even hold each other accountable and have a secret code word to remind one another to use their healthy coping skill.  It doesn’t have to be serious.  In fact, the more fun, the less stress.  Simple as that. 

3. Get help.

If things seem to be unraveling at home, it is critical that you bring in a third party to intervene and support your teen.  Turn to a relative you trust, a teacher you respect, a youth pastor, a sports coach, a life coach or therapist.  Too many teens are experiencing stress and are fighting it alone.  They don't have the tools to cope with their pain effectively and are taking their lives.  We can change this and we must.

Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele

Getting the Respect You Want

We all want respect but not all of us know how to get it.  As a result, those who are seeking respect often end up getting into heated arguments that lead to deep frustration and resentment toward the people we care the most about.  This can be exhausting for everyone involved, so it’s no wonder that the majority of teens I work with want the fighting to stop.  Arguments between you and your parents or you and faculty may be draining at the moment, but there are a lot of ways you can get the respect you want that don’t require raising your voice or stomping the ground. 

One of the most important ways to gain respect as a teen is to keep your voice steady and calm when talking about things that are emotional for you.  Too often we get wound up in our emotions and the injustice of the situation.  Our voice starts to get louder and the specific point that we wanted to make gets buried somewhere behind our aggressive tone, multiple profanities and our high pitched screams.

Recognize that the power lies within you.  Seriously.  You have the power.  

It is up to you to communicate effectively and calmly, and if you do, you’ll see that you can diffuse any argument.  

It can, of course, be really hard to express yourself when your emotions are high.  The more distraught we are, the harder it is to listen to someone else’s point of view and the more challenging it can be to communicate our thoughts.  This is why it is so important to recognize your anger before it takes hold of your voice.  I mean, let’s be honest.  You don’t want to start chewing your mom’s head off at the grocery store in front of a bunch of people, right? 

The work you do before the argument is probably the most important.  Spend some time alone with a journal or notebook and write down specific moments in time when you felt frustrated or angry with your parents or someone in authority.  What did it feel like?  Where in your body do you remember feeling it the most?  What happened just before the argument started?  What did they say during the argument that got you even more frustrated?  Taking the time to think back to that moment and recognize how you were feeling will serve you in the future.

The next time you feel an argument coming on, focus on your breath and count to ten.  Sometimes it’s even helpful to tell the person that you have to go to the bathroom so that you can walk away and collect your thoughts before it is too late. 

Once you have control of your emotions, remember to keep your voice steady, low and calm.  People are more likely to listen if you are not yelling or screaming your head off and you’ll show your mom or dad that you’re making a serious effort to communicate respectfully.  Explain your feelings and ask questions that will help clarify the situation.  The more you understand the other person’s perspective, the more they will be willing to listen to yours. 

Taking the time to recognize what sets you off and learning how to keep your voice calm will help you communicate your thoughts more clearly and respectfully.  While I can’t promise that the conversation will always end in your favor, I can assure you that you will gain a greater self-awareness and highly effective communication skills that will serve you throughout your life.

Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele