We all want respect but not all of us know how to
get it. As a result, those who are
seeking respect often end up getting into heated arguments that lead to deep
frustration and resentment toward the people we care the most about. This can be exhausting for everyone involved,
so it’s no wonder that the majority of teens I work with want the fighting to
stop. Arguments between you and your
parents or you and faculty may be draining at the moment, but there are a lot of ways you can get
the respect you want that don’t require raising your voice or stomping the
ground.
One of the most important ways to gain respect as a
teen is to keep your voice steady and calm when talking about things that are
emotional for you. Too often we get
wound up in our emotions and the injustice of the situation. Our voice starts to get louder and the
specific point that we wanted to make gets buried somewhere behind our aggressive tone, multiple profanities and our high pitched screams.
Recognize that the
power lies within you. Seriously. You have the power.
It is up to you
to communicate effectively and calmly, and if you do, you’ll see that you can
diffuse any argument.
It can, of course, be really hard to express
yourself when your emotions are high.
The more distraught we are, the harder it is to listen to someone else’s
point of view and the more challenging it can be to communicate our
thoughts. This is why it is so important
to recognize your anger before it takes hold of your voice. I mean, let’s be honest. You don’t want to start chewing your mom’s
head off at the grocery store in front of a bunch of people, right?
The work you do before the argument is probably the
most important. Spend some time alone
with a journal or notebook and write down specific moments in time when you
felt frustrated or angry with your parents or someone in authority.
What did it feel like? Where in
your body do you remember feeling it the most?
What happened just before the argument started? What did they say during the argument
that got you even more frustrated?
Taking the time to think back to that moment and recognize how you were
feeling will serve you in the future.
The next time you feel an argument coming on, focus
on your breath and count to ten.
Sometimes it’s even helpful to tell the person that you
have to go to the bathroom so that you can walk away and collect your thoughts
before it is too late.
Once you have control of your emotions, remember to
keep your voice steady, low and calm.
People are more likely to listen if you are not yelling or screaming
your head off and you’ll show your mom or dad that you’re making a serious effort
to communicate respectfully. Explain
your feelings and ask questions that will help clarify the situation. The more you understand the other person’s
perspective, the more they will be willing to listen to yours.
Taking the time to recognize what sets you
off and learning how to keep your voice calm will help you communicate your
thoughts more clearly and respectfully. While
I can’t promise that the conversation will always end in your favor, I can
assure you that you will gain a greater self-awareness and highly effective
communication skills that will serve you throughout your life.
Copyright © 2015 by Maggie Steele
